i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
