Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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