My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
