Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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