i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
