Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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