If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i now understand why vodka
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
