I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
