This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
