I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
