Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
