Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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