The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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