Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
