I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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