i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
