Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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