True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
