I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
