'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
