3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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