Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
