He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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