She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
