just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
