I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
