need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
