can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
