He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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