I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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