She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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