when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
