I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
