My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
