just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
