tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
