apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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