Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
