Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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