Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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