The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
