Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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