I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
