The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
