This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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