Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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