You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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