she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it because I queefed?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
