maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
