Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's just like the Real World with babies
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
